Have you ever woken up and thought, “Bollocks. What are you doing with your life?”
Don’t take that as me being unhappy with my life, because I’m not. I am so comfortable with how my life is turning out, I might as well turn into the koala from the toilet roll adverts (if you aren’t in the UK, don’t ask).
And that is the problem.
I have become totally complacent with my life.
Well, maybe that’s unfair. I applied for my master’s degree, work full-time and renovated and very recently moved into a new house, kick starting my financially independent life. And I just bought a really cool kitchen utensils set. That doesn’t count, you say? Right, back to the point.
I come back from work and seem to melt into the carpet until it’s time to go back out to work again. I stopped writing over a month ago. I’d like to say there was some sort of creative frustration or block but I just lost interest/got lazy. I’ve put on weight since moving out. Most people say that’s natural but it’s down to being too lazy to take care of myself.
Earlier in the year, I made a list of places I would like to visit. I said to my fiancé that we should take the time to decide the places we want to go before we have kids and while we have the money and time to do it. Did we do that? Did we hell! We booked a holiday to a place we have already been. Of course, I am excited for the holiday. But there are so many things in the world that I want to see and yet we are doing a return trip because it is easier.
I met an old acquaintance on the train recently. His daughter who I used to babysit has won a writing competition out of hundreds of entries in Scotland and seemingly from abroad as well. He was coming back from the ceremony and won’t see her for another week as she heads off to a writers retreat with famous children’s authors. Part of me was delighted. Part of me wanted to chuck my suitcase out of the window.
I want that to be me. I want to be writing and to have people recognise it – whether that be recognising with awards or throwing off tomatoes, it would still mean they read it! Yet, in order to do that, I need to write and finish my shit! Making a commitment to something not prescribed in my life that requires effort. I’m not great at that.
Some wise person once explained someone’s career path as being on a boat in a river and I think the same applies to your life. You sail down the river and think you’ll get off to explore that pleasant spot you circled on the map earlier. The opportunity comes to get off and see it but, hey, I’m enjoying this boat trip. The sun is shining and there looks like some nice views up ahead. You’ll just stay on for a little while longer. Maybe some more opportunities come up but you’re quite enjoying your jaunt down the river. You stay on. Only when you are too far to return do you realise you never did get off the boat to see that stop.
I don’t want to find out I’ve missed my chance. Not because I stopped myself or didn’t bother to start. The only person with the responsibility to change that is me and I am taking a stand and doing it now. Consider this blog my testimony to the world.
I need to get out of my rut and with the September date for my master’s looming, I better start now while I have the time. I have a three step plan to do just now:
- Finish a first draft…any first draft!
As soon as I applied for my masters, I said I would have finished the first drafts of the two stories I am working on. I don’t see that as very likely. But I need to do one. This degree may consume the next two and a half years of my life and I want to have something that I can work on when I am finished. Something that I at least have the option to look at and say ‘no that’s shit, start again’ or ‘maybe there is potential here’.
It doesn’t matter which one. Just sodding do it. The time is now!
- Lose weight
I have actually already started on this one but I need to continue. As my doctor said, “You aren’t unhealthy but I wouldn’t put any more weight on.” So back to exercise classes I go. Can someone lock the chocolate cupboard door please?
- Create the visit list and start visiting!
In the past, my partner and I have gone on a sunny, beach holiday in the summer and a city break in second half of the year. We need to sit down and pick the top ten places we have to see and actually start visiting.
It all seems realistic for now. Do you think I can do this? Do you have any goals or things you are trying to achieve this year? Please let me know in the comments below and give me a like if you enjoyed this post! I need all the encouragement I can get!