It occurred to me after too many refreshes of my twitter feed and reaching page 167 of an image search of baby sloths that my blog needed an FAQ page! The only problem with this great idea is that no one asks me questions on my blog.
Luckily, people ask me questions all the time in real life. So to save you the trouble of asking, here are the top ten most frequent answers to these questions.
Are you hungry?
Obviously. I’m awake.
Have you done INSERT THING I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO?
- Ah shit.
How is your novel getting on?
Don’t go there. Please. Or else I’ll have to go and hide under my duvet. You don’t want that, do you?
What do you think I should do?
Why are you asking me? You’re not going to do what I say no matter how brilliant it is.
And trust me: it’s brilliant.
When’s the wedding?
When I have money. In other words, never.
When is the house going to be finished?
Why do you hate me?
How is your fiancé?
Was ill. Was unemployed. Now he is fabulous!
What do you think?
I don’t care. That’s why I haven’t told you already.
What are you listening to?
An embarrassingly cheesy song that I am not going to admit to. Quick! Think of something cool!
And finally, the most common question of all:
How are you?
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