And then it hits me

A lot has happened for me this summer.

I bought a house that needs a lot of care and attention (as well as almost everything redone) at the same time my partner leaves his full-time job to go back to university.

I got myself a job with targets to hit.

And, oh yeah, I got engaged.

Not to mention setting myself some pretty high goals for the end of this year for personal achievements.

Some may say I’m taking too much. I like to call it overachieving. But I’m beginning to think they’re right.

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Anniversary & Engagement flowers

Last week I started to pre-emptively look at wedding stuff. Big mistake. Turns out, weddings cost money. Money which I don’t have because I’m pouring it all into the house. Then everyone started inputting their thoughts into the planning and asking what I was thinking about it. I kept telling them I was thinking about having it next years and different ideas I had been pondering over.

But I didn’t tell them I was panicking inside.

Hello. My name is Jennifer and I am a worrier.

For all of the fantastic things that have happened over this incredible summer, there are always those thoughts in the back of my head keeping me up at night.

Do we have the money to redo this whole house? Am I ready to move out?

Can I make these targets? Am I good enough? Am I kidding myself?

Can I plan a wedding in a year? With everyone’s input, am I having the wedding I want or the one everyone else wants me to have? Do I really want to be married at 23?

Have I taken too much on?

I’ve taken my eye off what I want to be doing. I’m too busy to be working on my own dreams and goals.

And ultimately, it’s scaring me. I’ll end up somewhere too fast without doing what I really want to.

So I’ve slowed down. Or I did with the wedding stuff as it is the only thing I’ve got much control over. Wedding planning has halted and though I look at cool ideas every now and then, don’t buy a hat for next year.

My job is fantastic and I know, behind all of the doubt, I am good at it and can get even better. And I know we’re keeping on top of the finances for the house. When the time comes when it is finished and ready to be lived in, I’ll make a decision if I’m ready or not. No need to worry for the future now.

I don’t regret anything I’ve taken on. But I need to make sure I don’t get carried away and jump too fast into something I’m not ready for.

For now, I’ll have focus on planning the engagement party.

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